This morning Angela and I went for one of our usual weekday runs. It was chilly this morning and though we dressed for the weather, we found ourselves running faster than normal (I think because instinctually our bodies were driving us home). We ran 4 miles in 36:22! We usually run about a 10 minute mile. Our fastest time up until this morning for 4 miles was 39:47. I think our fitness is still improving and that, combined with the frosty mornings, is going to help us shave time on our runs this fall and winter. Yeah!
The kids are home on Fall Break! I love it when they're home. Occasionally the noise level and the almost constant requests drive me batty but I really do love these days when nothing is planned and we can do whatever we want together. This morning I cooked a scrambler for the kids (which we don't have time for on school mornings). Then we read library books for over an hour. I loved it. We're going to relax for a few more minutes before we tackle this mess of a house! Hopefully we'll have a semi-clean house by lunch!
My favorite time of year is Fall, especially here in Oklahoma. The air is so crisp, the leaves turn beautiful colors, the sun is bright and just warm enough. When I lived in Santa Barbara, I missed Autumn in Oklahoma. In Southern California, the weather is beautiful all the time but there is barely any color change. I remember it felt like I arrived for the school year in late summer and a few months later it would be Christmastime but the emotional changes that happen during Autumn hadn't taken place because the scenery stayed constant. I didn't feel ready for winter every year when it came in Santa Barbara. I love the way I feel when the weather changes here. The anticipation of Fall builds and builds as the weather cools. The mornings are wonderfully chilly, the afternoons are sunny and cool, and the evenings are clear and cold. FALL IS HERE!
I got up this morning for my long run. It was cold and drizzling outside. I am still trying to recover from the flu and being out in the cold makes me cough more than normal. We decided earlier in the week that we would run 9 miles today. I wasn't able to do it. At about mile 1 I started feeling short of breath. I mentioned it to Angela at mile 2 and we slowed down a little. We decided to alter our course and run 5 miles instead of the 9 mile loop. Sometimes it is so hard not to get discouraged when I'm not able to complete something that I set out to do. I'm trying to take it in stride but I still feel like I need to apologize repeatedly to Angela for not finishing. I am sure that next week I'll be back up to speed, at least I hope I am.
Saturdays are officially my favorite day of the week. The typical Saturday begins with my long run of the week with my friend Angela around 5am. I love Saturday morning runs more than any other run during the week because we are pushed for time during the week but on the weekend I can just relax and enjoy running for it's own sake. As the weather has cooled, running has become even more enjoyable. After I get back from my run, I take a shower then crawl back into bed with my hubs. You know how you feel lazy sleeping in very long? Well, when I go back to sleep after running 10 or 11 miles, I don't feel guilty or lazy at all. I feel incredible. Usually around 9am we'll get up and make our one big family breakfast of the week. After breakfast we all jump in the car and go cheer Toby on at his soccer game. When we come home we have lunch then Jason and I relax while the kids take a nap (also a once-a-week occurrence for our oldest 3). We usually have no other commitments for the day which I think is just heavenly.
Today was not our typical Saturday. Angela and I are going to do our long run tomorrow morning before church so I slept in until 8am then got up to make breakfast for everyone. Jason and Risa are sick so we're are trying to keep the sickies separated from everyone else. Today I made scrambled eggs and cinnamon sugar toast. I am really bad at making scrambled eggs for some reason. My mother-in-law makes the best scrambled eggs that I've ever had and I've studied her methods but just can't seem to get it right. Today though, they really turned out well. They were fluffy and delicious. I used to make cinnamon sugar toast all the time but once I realized that we usually went through two loaves of bread in one morning (this only happened when we had cinnamon sugar toast) I decided that the insanity had to stop. The funny thing is that I forgot all about cinnamon sugar toast after that and I think it has been close to 2 years since we've had it. Anyway, we all really enjoyed our two pieces each this morning! Toby had his soccer game and Jason and Risa stayed home. Toby scored 3 goals, 1 of which was in his team's own goal! Oops! He had alot of fun. I like how relaxed his soccer club is at this age. They don't have soccer practice during the week so on Saturdays the first 1/2 hour that we're there is practice, then the second 1/2 hour is scrimmages. There aren't any refs and no one keeps track of wins and losses. The parents cheer for both teams and the coaches are completely encouraging, even when our little Toby just wants to tickle and wrestle the other players. :-)
Is it normal to be 28 and still have no idea what you're good at or what you're passionate about? I have many things that interest me but nothing that I feel is something I should be pursuing. I love dancing (ballroom and swing) and was once a dance instructor for a short time. Though I loved dancing everyday, I felt like there were many people who took lessons to start a relationship or just to be touching someone, which was not what I wanted. I think that aspect would be hard to get away from with couple dancing. I love reading and have played with writing a few times but feel so bashful about anyone reading, much less critiquing, my work that I am pretty sure I will never take writing seriously. I love interior design but don't feel like I want to spend my life using other people's disposable income when there are so many people with real needs in the world. I think I would like to investigate midwifery but don't know if the demands of that kind of job would work for my family.
Then there is the here and now, the fact that I am a mom and wife. I have such a wonderful, amazing family but I feel like I don't have enough patience, compassion, or creativity to excel at the job I have already chosen. I spent most of my life envisioning being a wife and a mother. Who I am just doesn't seem to add up to the idealized self of my daydreams.
